Lost in Shadows
by Jyocka
Summary: [AU] Susannah never truly belonged in the Temple of Tyrne. She prays her destiny to lead to a kingdom she can call home, find someone she feels safe with and finally uncover old secrets that haunt her earliest memories....
1. Prologue

**This is just the prologue to the main story, but it's important.**

It's a full moon tonight.

The woods are filled with dappled silver light, and the lake at the edge of the woods is like a satin sheet, devoid of any ripples.

The castle overlooks the woods like some guardian, the people oblivious to the great tragedy that was about to occur.

The girl ran through the woods, silent as a shadow, her lithe body weaving in and out of the woods like a phantom. She was young, hardly five years of age, prettily clothed in a silken robe.

_Flashback:_

'_Promise, me child.'_

'_I promise,' she said obediently._

'_Promise what?'_

'_I promise never to visit the silver lake again. I won't-I really won't.' She said in earnest._

_Her lower lip wobbled._

_It wasn't her fault._

_The strange ghosts that only she could see beckoned to her, and sometimes she couldn't control her self; she had to run free under the moonlight and follow the enchanting illusions._

_Because even she, a young girl knew she was simply seeing illusions. _

_No one else ever saw them, so she assumed that they didn't exist, and there was something different and wrong about her._

_She welcomed the fact; it allowed her to disappear to a fantasy world._

_The day the old man had caught her at dusk nearly at the shore of the lake, she had been chasing a little girl, no older then her._

_She had blue eyes and golden hair, so unlike her dark wild curls and piercing green eyes._

_She had been enchanted and couldn't take her eyes off her, always one tree ahead of her, teasing her, talking to her, whispering…_

_Then she disappeared when they reached the shore of the lake, and the old man had found her._

_She had never seen him so angry, and she had promised herself she would not disobey him again._

_After all, he was the only one in the castle who bothered paying any attention to her; even though she supposed that she was royalty, she was kept out of the way and out of mischief; the old man was responsible for he well-being._

_And if she disobeyed him, how would she ever catch the attention of her family?_

_Flashback ended_

This time it was the ghost of a bird, something she had never seen before.

It was the most enchanting thing she had ever laid eyes upon; it was white specked with silver, and she wasn't exactly sure if it was a ghost or a real animal, but she didn't' particularly care either.

She was under the spell of its beauty.

She reached the lake, and no one interrupted her progress this time.

But all thoughts of her promise flew out her head when she saw a dark figure by the side of the lake, lying in the sand, unmoving.

She cautiously crept closer; the bird had disappeared, as though its purpose had been only to lead her to the lake.

She knelt by the person and saw that it was a boy slightly older then her.

He was wounded on the left side of the breast; she couldn't tell if he was awake or alive even.

She observed him with a strange detachment, as though she didn't really care what happened to him.

In a normal state of mind, she would rush to help him, for even at the tender age of five she knew a sick person when she saw one.

But she was feeling strange, intoxicated in the moonlight and the magic in the air.

He was beautiful, she noted.

He had piercing blue eyes, curly dark hair and looked pretty.

She loved pretty things, and she was innocently in love with the way his hair formed little ringlets in the cool night.

He looked up at her, seeing but not really looking.

He was sure he must have been hallucinating the angel in front of him.

She made a move to help him and have a look at his wound, but he flinched and growled, low in his throat.

She was just about to try again, when the sound of hoof beats broke the tranquility.

A huge black horse galloped from seemingly nowhere and she barely had time to register what was going on, when a black knight dismounted and strode towards her.

She made a small noise between a squeal and a moan when he reached towards her and set her up on the horse.

She was too paralyzed to move, let alone talk. He examined the boy, and draped him in front of the girl. Then he climbed on behind her and they galloped away.

She had never returned to the castle which slowly faded in her memory, the castle where she had grown up in, where she rightly belonged.

**Ok, don't worry I've got the plot all sorted out and the next chapter will be during the present time, when she is sixteen once more.**

**Please let me know if it was worth reading…**

**twists hands nervously and waits for verdict…..**


	2. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Blah blah blah….. 'don't own anything…' …' All M.C.'s characters…. 'Plot ALL MINE! MUAHAHAHA'**

**Presenting chapter 2 of Lost in Shadows:**

_Is this a dream _

_If it is _

_Please don't wake me from this high _

_I'd become comfortably numb _

_Until you opened up my eyes _

_To what it's like _

_When everything's right _

_I can't believe _

_You found me _

_When no one else was looking _

_How did you know just where I would be _

_Yeah, you broke through all of my confusion _

_The ups and the downs _

_And you still didn't leave _

_I guess that you saw what nobody could see _

_You found me _

_You found me _

_-**Kelly Clarkson, Breakaway**_

I woke up in my bed, cold and sweaty from the dream.

I knew that it wasn't just a dream; it was an actual memory, a clue to my past. I sighed and forgot about it for the moment.

I quickly dressed in my normal clothes; long brown robes tied at the waist with a length of simple brown rope, tying my hair back in a messy ponytail, wishing I were allowed to leave it down.

I paused for a moment in front of the small mirror. A tall girl of 16 years looked back, her eyes creasing. My hair, brown and rather boring I thought looked lank.

I made a mental note to wash it with some herbs, then thought, what's the point, no one would care or notice whether I do or not.

I went down to breakfast, in a special chamber of the monastery.

Yes, I live in Milertyrne Monastery, otherwise known as the Temple of Tyrne. The monks had told me that they would try and find a suitable convent for me.

They had been telling me that for the past 6 years.

Personally, I don't see the problem of remaining here. I mean, better here then some strange new place. Unfortunately, they do fins a problem with me here...

You see, I'm the only girl here. Monks are supposed to live a life of solitude (well, figuratively, since there are tons of monks living together here, under the same roof)

They aren't supposed to be in the presence of a woman.

That's why during my entire time here, I've only interacted with four monks.

Sure, I see tons of them walking through the hallways, but they always keep their head down, and I never say anything to them.

It's almost as if they are afraid of me, and I can't see the reason why.

I have never done anything crazy, or wild; my composure is always calm, cool and collected. Well, that's if I ever speak.

Lately I've been wondering if your voice can stop working from lack of use.

I take my breakfast with Brother Simon; the chamber is empty, like it always is when I come down for breakfast. The monks wake up at sunrise for their breakfast.

Brother Simon is still a novice.

There are different levels here, for their training, and even though he is almost forty-ish, (I've never asked, it just seems kind of rude, and the monks and I never talk much unless we have to) he is still not promoted to becoming a full member of the monastery.

He sits down with me, dressed in the black robes and black belt that everyone but me wears, of course.

'Good morning, Susannah'

'Good morning, Father Simon.'

I sit down and eat in silence, while he stares off into the distance.

I'm used to it. I'm beginning to think that I will never laugh again, joke, and run free and wild.

I sigh and the rest of the day passes slowly, the same monotonous routine day after day.

Weeks pass.

The only respite I have during the day is after I complete my lessons, when I'm allowed to go free and explore the area around the monastery.

Not very far, of course.

Just till the very outer gate. I have never, in six years, seen the outside world.

Sometimes, I think that we have been forgotten by the enter universe, and no other existence exists except silent muttering men walking and praying, and wandering empty rooms and plain, plain hallways.

One day, I walked out of my classroom, thinking about my lessons.

The only that I took any interest in was healing.

For some strange reason, it fascinated me; for once, feeling in control of someone's life, making the decision if I could heal the wounds of his mind, soul and body, could save him or not.

It was the only thing I paid attention to; the only point of my day I didn't feel transparent.

I began to grow thin, and slowly, the memories of my childhood came back slowly to me, first in my subconscious mind, then during the day.

I remembered a large castle made entirely out of black stone, where I had stayed till I grew older. I probed my memories, trying to remember my heritage.

I came to the conclusion that they had drugged me at the castle, and my memory was leaving me.

I knew that I hadn't really hated it at the castle, but hadn't liked it either.

I know that I spent a lot of time with a boy. What was his name? Paul.

_Paul._

I hadn't thought about him in a long, long time.

I know he used to be my playmate…

Every passing day in the monastery, I spent my free time trying to access my memories, locked up in some deep part of me.

I remembered that Paul and I had spent days in the woods near the castle. We had walked, ran, picked berries, played crazy games that ended in both of us laughing hysterically.

Hey, we were just kids.

The last time I had seen him was two years after I had come to the monastery. He had come to visit me.

'_Suze.' He always used to call me that. It felt so strange when anyone but him called me that._

_But no one else did. Only Paul had that way of saying my name._

'_Paul? What are you doing here?'_

'_Forgotten me already?' He smiled that crooked smile of his, which was so roguish and charming at the same time._

_We had talked a bit more, but it was awkward. We had both changed in the two years of separation._

_I had begged him to take me back, begged him to tell me why I was made to live here, away from the word._

_He looked at me sorrowfully, but all he would say is that_

'_One day, Suze. One day you'll understand. I – I'm sorry.' _

_I was furious at him for a while, but as days passed into weeks, into moths and eventually years, I just forgot about him._

Today I remembered him.

It was a cloudy morning, this morning, but it's sunny now.

I sat down in the nearest pew to the back of the church.

My day passed, just like every other one.

After dinner, Brother Simon came to sit with me, something he rarely does.

'Susannah. Elder Devon wants to meet you in his study after you finish.' He said, in his soft whispery voice.

I nodded.

For once I felt some excitement. What could it be? Maybe I was finally being removed from here!

My heart leaped in sudden joy as I envisioned freedom.

I didn't care where they would send me. Anywhere was alright, anywhere away from here.

I stood in front of the huge oaken doors, and then knocking thrice, as was the custom, I entered the room.

It was bare except for a bookcase which was almost full, and table with the…Head Monk, I guess you could call him.

Another man sat in front of the table his back to me.

'Susannah' Elder Devon said, acknowledging my presence. He was an old, old man, but he barely spoke, only at prayers.

At once, the other mystery man stood up and turned.

I gasped.

Those eyes. How could I have forgotten? Memories rushed back, bringing back new emotions; hurt, longing, anger, suspicion, relief…

Paul stood in front of me, apparently just as dumbstruck as I.

He had changed, from the scrawny boy I remembered.

He stood tall, much taller then me; his shoulders had broadened, and his face looked older, tougher. His face was carved like a god's face, the strong curve of his jaw accentuating his masculinity…

_He looked amazing._

I noticed that his eyes were the same, bright, electric blue that pierced your very soul…

I tried to compose my self, and saw that Paul was trying to speak as well.

'Suze.' Oh that voice…

'You've…er…grown' he managed to choke out.

'So have you.'

"Err…well...I'll leave you two alone for a bit then, shall I,' Elder Devon said uncomfortably.

He left leaving us with each other.

He motioned me to sit, and only after I had did he sit too.

'So…how have you been?' He inquired softly after a pause.

I smiled bitterly. Did he really want to know how I had been wasting away? Don't think so.

'What do you think?' I asked bitterly, not expecting an answer.

'Well...I expected you to be well. Are you not happy?' He honestly didn't know.

I looked out the window, overcome with emotion.

'Do you know how hard it's been? Living every single day in the middle of a crowd yet feeling alone? Not having anyone to talk to? Living everyday the exact same, never expecting to hear a laugh?' My voice broke, and I stared determinedly out the window.

_I would not cry. I WON"T cry, _I willed myself.

I really had gone beyond caring now. The old me, or what I could remember of her, would have never opened her emotions so freely with someone who is practically a stranger.

Paul remained silent, digesting my words.

'Suze. I'm so….I had no idea. If you can forgive me for the moment, please. There is something I want to ask of you.'

He _was_ sorry – but I could hear the suppressed excitement in his voice. He something big to tell me.

'Well…do remember Ryborogh Stronghold? The castle that we...lived in, before…you moved here?' Paul seemed to be choosing his words very carefully, as though he didn't to offend me.

I nodded.

'Well…the Master,' here he hesitated slightly, and a look of something flashed over his face. 'He wants to meet you. Tomorrow night. At the Annual Autumn Ball. And...Well, I want you to go with me. Will you go?'

He said this in a rush, as though he wanted to get the words out and over with.

I thought about it.

_Hell YEAH_

'Also…he wants you to stay at the castle from now on. He said he wants to get to know you better. And...' he lowered his voice.' so do I Suze. I think it's time we got to know each other.' He smiled 'The Master said that he was sure that you would ask lots of questions for him. He has promised to answer them all.'

He took a breath 'So…what do you say?'

I looked at him, my eyes shining with tears of gratitude.

Then I grinned. 'Of course I'm coming! What do you think! When did you say we are going?'

He laughed and put his hands on my shoulders 'Calm down Suze. I'll pick you up tomorrow, and you can get dressed at the castle. You might want to pack your bags, too, and say goodbye to your…friends. See you tomorrow. '

He pecked my cheek, and then headed towards the door.

'Wait,' I called out.

'Why…why are you doing this Paul?' I asked.

I couldn't help being a little suspicious; I mean they desert me for six years, then all of a sudden the members of the Ryoborogh Castle want me to live with them?

It didn't make any sense.

But I trusted Paul. After all, he was all I had.

I was just wondering what his answer would be.

He had turned and was staring at me in a way I couldn't understand.

'Suze…there is a lot going on here that you don't understand. I would hate for you to get hurt. I just want what's best for you, ok? I know this is all just really confusing and sudden for you, but just trust me. Please.'

And I knew, then, that I did.

Trust him, I mean.

He left, and I sunk into the wooden chair, in a state of bliss.

My real life was finally beginning,

**Thanks to me five reviewers! I hope this chapter wasn't too short, but it took ageeesss to write it….hehe.**

**Please, I really need feedback on this chapter especially… I have no clue how it was, so don't forget to press that little button just an inch away…**


	3. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: What do you think? Of course I don't own any Mediator-related themes!

Chapter is dedicated to my little bro, Neil, but only to stop him from ratting me out to Mum. I really have been studying, honest…

Unfortunately, I'm taking a break from writing till my finals are over, it's simply too traumatic to study for them and try and write without producing garbage..sorry :(

So my next update will be AFTER June 15…I absolutely cannot wait for the summertime to come, I have already have plots for three stories that are simply waiting to be written!

I'm rather worried about this chapter, please comfort me from the horrors of pre-exam stress and review…

* * *

'The way you overcome shyness is to become so wrapped up in something that you forget to be afraid'

-Lady Bird Johnson (1912 - )

* * *

I paced the courtyard at the front of the monastery. I was all packed, and ready to go, and the only thing missing was Paul. I frowned, and tapped my foot impatiently.

Father Devon was acting very strange….he told me not to tell anyone of me moving to Ryborogh.

I wasn't exactly close to anyone here, not even Brother Simon, but he had still been my teacher for a large part of my life.

I couldn't just_ leave _without any warning at all…

A small part of me whispered_, why do you care? It's not like anyone will notice…or if they do, no one will give a damn…_

All the hurt and loneliness of the past rushed back, and I was filled with the overwhelming need to be loved, to be held by someone who understood…

I mentally shook myself, and reminded myself Paul was coming soon.

It hadn't taken long to pack; I wasn't wearing my usual brown robes; I wouldn't need them at the castle.

I felt so nervous about the Ball. What if I didn't fit in? What would Paul think about my behavior? It was so long since I had interacted with people my age; I wasn't sure how to hold myself…

Was I supposed to talk to everyone at the party? Or curtsy to the Master? Or would that be offending?

I wasn't shy by nature, but I the gap between me and the rest of the world was just too wide.

All of this was too sudden; I wasn't ready for an abrupt pull into the center of attention after years and years of solitude.

Suddenly, I heard a sound towards the back garden. I narrowed my eyes; I knew every inch of this place, and I knew that the back road was amuch longer routeto Ryborogh then the front one.

The sounds grew louder; I hurried through the courtyard, weaving around the herb garden, and my personal plot of flowers.

It sounded like someone panting and running. I peered through the gate at the back of the garden, and saw Paul.

I couldn't help it. I started giggling.

He had grass all over him, with mud sticking to his clothes, butfunniest of all was his extremely disgruntled expression.

He scowled.

'What's so funny?' He said menacingly, trying to act gruff and failing entirely. 'Damn it, do you know how thick the underbrush is here?' He asked, trying to reclaim some dignity. He leaned against the gate to catch his breath.

'You're late,' I said disapprovingly.

What? I couldn't help it! I had been waiting ages to get out of here, and now I was so close, Paul shows up with no visible sign of transport.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a bronze key. I watched hungrily as he finally opened the rusty gate and let me through.

I was free.

* * *

It was a long walk back to where he said his carriage was waiting. He wouldn't answer why he had come on foot or had come from the back door.

We didn't talk much; I was enraptured by the surrounding woods. I kept looking everywhere, taking in everything, the trees, the birds, and, of course Paul.

I wondered where he had got the key from, and came to the conclusion that Elder Devon must have given it to him, so that we could leave unnoticed…though why we had to secretly leave was beyond me.

I glanced over at Paul.

He caught me looking and said, 'Look, there are some things you should be aware of. I know you're very confused, but when we reach the front gate, you'll see my carriage, and I want you to run straight through it. No looking back. Do you understand?' His blue eyes looked like the palest of ice as he stared back at me.

I stopped walking, suspicion growing.

But I knew better then to question him. I decided to worry about that later.

Right now the most important thing to me was to get out of here safely. Somehow I couldn't shake away the feeling of something bad about happen, as if the monastery would never lose its hold on me…

I shuddered, and realized he was still waiting for my answer. I nodded and we resumed walking. Suddenly I gasped, and clutched Paul's arm.

Ahead of us, just around the bend stood the front gates; they were tall and impressive, and were just grating to a close.

Freedom was so close, I could taste it, and now I was being snatched away…I was so close….

I tried run for it, but he held me back, and pulled me to the side, near the trees and off the path.I guess he didn't want anyone to see us.

'What's going on!' I demanded.

'I'm sorry Suze…but I think that the monks aren't gonna let you go. Not without a fight,' He looked at me with pityin his eyes.

I let the meaning of his words sink through, and felt the tears leap to my eyes. Angrily, I brushed them aside.

The time for weakness was not now. I didn't care what he thought, right? I_would _escape, no matter what.

'Why?' I asked.

'Why do you think?' He answered, his brow furrowed. 'They have always believed that their secrets should remain within the monastery. They are afraid you will exploit them and the world will taint their stupid faith,' He ended bitterly.

I couldn't see what the problem was. Ok, so maybe they were being paranoid (the monks) but they had a right to protect their secrets, but that was no reason was Paul to be so bitter about it…

I knew better then to ask. Maybe it was just one of those personal things.

I sighed, and brought my mind to the problem at hand. Faith or no faith, it didn't really matter to me. I couldn't care less if they didn't trust me, because the truth was I would never willingly give away their secrets. Why would I?

'Look, we can just try and make a run for it, if anything happens don't look back and keep running.' He said.

We were about to head to the gate when suddenly he caught my arm. 'Suze…are you sure you want to do this?'

I looked at him like he was crazy.

'Ok, ok,' He sighed and looked away from me.

Why was he being so melancholy? Didn't he want me to leave? We were near the gates now, and they had stopped halfway closing. There was still no one in sight. We went through and there I saw it.

A long row of monks, all carrying torches, marching towards us from the opposite direction.

I froze; I had never seen such a chilling sight in my life.

I turned and ran with Paul, but there really wasn't much need for running. They would never catch us.

The monks were far behind, but I still didn't stop running. Even when I tripped and stumbled, I kept running. We reached the carriage down the road; it was a dirt road lined by trees; the sun was behind the clouds and I could see storm clouds in the distance.

It was stupid, really. Why did they come al the way here to try and stop me, but then just practically let us go?

Paulhelped my up into the carriage, and took the driver's seat himself.

I looked out, and the last thing I saw was a column of men in robes, all standing impassively, growing fainter and fainter.

I looked forward, leaving the Temple of Tyrne behind me forever.

* * *

When we reached the castle it raining in torrents; I clenched my fists and tried not to forget all of the advice Paul had given me during the ride, mainly about the correct etiquette during the ball.

He noticed, and said 'God, Suze, just relax they're gonna love you.'

I didn't answer, and just huffed unbelievingly.

It's so easy for him to say... He grew up with these people.

I looked out the window. The castle wasn't anything like I had remembered; it was made of a dark grey stone, and was so huge I couldn't even see where the building stopped and the rain started. Lightning flashed across the windows as we went over the drawbridge and entered into the courtyard. Paul helped me out and then rushed me inside a door. I couldn't really see where I was going.

We went through a dark corridor which opened into a huge hall with flaming torches. Various corridors and doors opened off from here, and large winding stairway probably led to the upper floors.

I stood there, shivering and wet, clutching my bag to me tightly.

Paul hurried me through the hall, towards the staircase. A tall man whom I assumed to be the butler approached us. He seemed to be in his fifties. Judging by his look of surprise at me, I guessed that I had probably known him before. I simply couldn't remember his name, but Paul took care of that for me.

'Alfred, good to see you,' He said formally 'I hope you remember…this is Susannah Simon. She will be staying with us from now on. Could you show her to her room?'

His face remained impassive as I tried to tell him without words not to leave me alone…with a stranger.

'It's a pleasure to be reacquainted with you, Lady Susannah.' He said.

I stifled a giggled. _Lady? Me?_

'Suze, I'll see you at the Ball, alright? I'm sure that Marie, one of the caretakers will find something for you to wear.' He said to me, then his eyes turned softer 'Don't be afraid. We are all friends here.' And with that, he turned and disappeared through one of the doorways.

Somehow, his words didn't comfort me much. I got the strangest feeling that even he didn't believe his words. As I followed Alfred up the stairs and through various hallways, my thoughts kept wandering to Paul.

Did have someone he loved? I couldn't help it; I knew absolutely nothing about him, and he wasn't the carefree little boy that had stolen my golden apple, or the confused young man who had visited me during my earlier years in the monastery.

I say confused because that was only the impression I received, from before.Now, it seemed like he held some burden, like he knew a secret and he didn't want me to know…

Lost in my thoughts, I followed Alfred through a particularly creepy hallway. It wasn't lit very well, so the light cast shadows on the portraits on the wall. There seemed to be a draft in the air and I was still partially wet.

I hoped I wouldn't catch a cold.

He finally led me out of the cold corridor and to a set of large wooden doors. They seemed rather rusty, but he managed to yank them open.

I stepped through, and he bowed. 'I hope you find everything you need. Dinner will be served at the Autumn Ball itself.' He made to go, but then hesitated, 'Lady Susannah, you may not remember me, but when I knew you, you were like my own little girl. Keep in mind that Paul may be wrong, and that the people here play a different kind of politics. Keep your own counsel, and don't trust _anyone_' He put an emphasis on the word 'anyone'. He bowed once more, and I thanked him.

His words unsettled me; I knew that Paul wouldn't hurt me...right?

Suddenly, I wasn't sure of anything anymore, and I longed for someone older and wiser whom I could ask questions to, and could confide in, without fear of betrayal.

I pushed my thoughts to the back of my mind and entered my room, where I prompty gasped in delight.

It was the most beautiful room I had ever seen. A large fire burned merrily in the huge fireplace (which was a good enough welcome for me) and a four poster bed took up most of the room. It had beautifully embroidered tapestries, which matched the hangings on the bed posts. A large thick rug covered the floor, and my feet simply sunk into it.

Heaven…

I flopped down on to the bed, feeling blissfully happy. Who cared about some silly misgivings? I had barely even been here an hour. I shouldn't judge so fast…

As I sunk lower into what I suspected as swan down pillows, someone knocked the door. Without waiting for an answer, a large and rather plump lady dressed in a black and white smock opened the door.

She bustled in, and I got the distinct impression that she wouldn't really care much about what anyone thought, and that she could be stubborn. 'Hello, dearie, you must be Susannah, I'm Marie. Now, you look absolutely soaked through, and if you want to be ready for the ball in time, we'll have to start working on you right now.'

Once again, she didn't wait for an answer and hurried over to a large oak wardrobe on the opposite wall. She began pulling out dress after dress, and even from the bed I could see the expansive collection of designs, the exquisite material just waiting to be worn…

My fingers itched to touch them, and as my curiosity got the better of me, I went to her.

We discussed what to wear for a long time; shekept fussing over me and trying to pickthe most flattering, fancy and rather colorful dresses. I was equally picky, but Isimply didn't like her choices. They were all too shiny, flashy, or too dull or boring.

Hey, I wanted to look good for my first party ever, ok?

I was just going to give up in despair when I spotted a dress at the very back of the wardrobe. I pulled it out and stared at it, and then I smiled. I had found it…the perfect dress. From behind me, I heard Marie smile appreciatively, and then scuttled off to turn on the bath.

* * *

I stood in front of a full length mirror, hardly believing that the girl staring back could possibly be…me?

My skin was glowing after the bath, probably because I used scented oils and cream and soft soap, unlike the hard bars of soap I was given to use before. My hair had been thoroughly washed and the dirt was gently squeezed out. It hung in elegant curls down my back. I had wanted to simply leave it down, but Marie wouldn't hear of it. She insisted on taking half my hair, from the front, pulled back into a bun, with the rest of my hair cascading down my back.

And my dress….well, lets just say it was the most beautiful dress I had ever seen; I wasn't too sure if it looked that good on me, because after wearing coarse brown robes that have no shape at all, such a beautiful material that clung to my curves felt unreal, and, so, so _light_.

Marie assured me it matched my eyes; and she was right. The dress was a deep green, with different shades along the bodice. It had a rather flattering neckline, and when I tried it on I had blushed for nearly a minute.

Marie had made a sly comment about how many of the gentlemen 'would probably walk straight into wall, just to stare at you.'

The gown trailed to the floor, in a sweeping style. The sleeves were long and artfully puffed.

I twirled in front of the mirror, loving how much like a girl I felt, and admiring the effect of pearls woven into my dark curls.

* * *

I stood at the entrance of the ballroom. The wide oak doors were thrown open, and I could see they led onto a landing which had a wide staircase down to the actual room.

I gritted my teeth. They really were making this very hard; I knew perfectly well that whoever descended the staircase would be in full view of each and every guest in the room.

Alfred had warned me beforehand, as he led me to the ballroom, hat it was traditional for a guest at the castle, especially a lady to come down unescorted.

All I had to say was that Paul had better be there for me at the bottom if my feet gave way.

I took a deep breath and descended the first step.

The room was filled with approximately 200 people. I felt slightly nauseous at all the shining jewels, the loud gossiping, and the smell of wine making me heady…

As promised, Paul was waiting at the foot of the stairs.

As I approached him, taking my time, his jaw dropped in pure shock. I tried to smile, but I couldn't help it. I noted that the hall was full of whispers and some not-so-subtle comments.

'Is that really-?'

'Lovely dress, she seems to have grown up a bit, don't you think?'

'But-she-what is she-?'

I tried not to show how annoyed I was. Jeez, anyone think I was a spy or something… Paul, who had apparently got over his shock, managed to weakly say 'Hey Suze, nice to see you've…freshened up,' I smirked. He looked so uncomfortable and…shy. For a second, I was reminded of the little boy who had chases me through the woods, my best friend…

Then he offered me his arm and guided me to a small table. He asked me if I wanted anything to drink, and I said yes. As he went off to find me a drink, I had a chance to just look over the party and observe the people.

The people seemed…rather boisterous, for lack of better word.

The walls were lined with matrons, like the mums of all the young ladies I supposed. The dance floor was filled with lots of young couples twirling and dancing, ballroom style.

Suddenly, a young man broke off from a group clustered a little way off. He walked purposefully towards me, an invitation to dance in his eyes.

I felt the panic rise; I couldn't dance, I didn't know how!He_ looked_ nice enough, but I wasn't even sure I wanted to dance with Paul, let alone some stranger!

He approached me, and said in what he probably thought was a charming voice, 'Good evening, may I have the honor of this dance, Miss –' He gave me an inquiring look, but the smoothness of his voice didn't mask the unease I felt about him.

His hair was blond, so blond it was almost pale, and his features were sharp. His eyes were grey, cold, and calculative.

'Susannah', I said tersely. I didn't what to say, when Paul reappeared, to my relief.

'Slater? I didn't know you would be here,' said the boy in mocking tones. 'I thought that you had…been away on work', His voice implied hidden meanings.

I wondered what he could mean by that.

'I'm back now, with much welcome from _everyone_,' Paul said, his eyes narrowing. 'Which brings me to ask, what are you doing with Susannah, Rick?'

'I was wondering if she would like to dance with me...?' He said, half turning to me.

'Well, that's very kind, but-'Paul began to say but I didn't let him.

'I'd love to.' I said before he could finish.

I didn't know why I said that; Paul and Rick obviously didn't get along, but I didn't want Paul protecting me and answering everything for me. I know I had wanted him to, at first, but I could _definitely_ answer questions directed to me. If I didn't start speaking up, Paul would be making all my descions for me, aand I wasn't letting anyone control my life or desicions any more. I had anough of that for the past 16 years.

Rick steered me away from a sulky Paul, and for some strange reason I felt victorious.

* * *

A/N: Please, please review because I'm have no clue how good or bad this was…how many people want this to be P/S? How many want it to be a J/S?

More reviews make me truly happy, and if I'm happy I'll try to make time to update before my finals…


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